Laughing at ourselves

[2write]

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc can I ask you a question?" The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open it up, take valves out, fix'em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I get a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it while it's running!"

[2write]

STUFF FROM OFF THE NET


---------------------------------------
"Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul!."

"Life may begin at 30, but it really doesn't get interesting until about 120."

"Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window!!."

and on a serious note -
"Most motorcycle problems are caused by the nut that connects the handlebars to the saddle."

--------------------------------------------------

MegaRider site

All I Need To Know About Life I Learned From Motorcycling

As much as many small brained people may claim otherwise, motorcyclists are human - to varying degrees of course. And, like all humans, we develop a philosophy of life and basic values, many of these being shaped by our lifestyle of riding motorcycles. Having talked to a good many motorcyclists we've found a variety of basic life philosophies that have been shaped by the pursuit of motorcycling. The more repeatable of these we list, without prejudice, below:


Variety is the spice of life: one day travel at the speed of a tired turtle, the next day give it heaps!

Reach the top, that's why there's space between the queue of cars at stop lights.

Find your place in the sun, even if it's while you wait for the wife to bring the trailer to pick up your bike.

Make your mark on the world - but not on the wife's carpet!

If you're not receiving enough attention, try giving a cop the fingers.

Always give generously - a large patch of oil left on a friend's driveway tells them that you care.

Always be willing to accept another's seniority - especially if it's a big rig.

Demand the best - but settle for a second hand one if the bank manager is getting restless.

Only put your foot down when you really need to.

Success is a frame of mind, so think quickly as that cop approaches you.

Strive for excellence, not perfection - leave the latter useless pursuit to those who build custom motorcycles.

Get acquainted with a good lawyer, accountant and mechanic - the order in which you do this depends upon what you ride.
<Applicable very much to Bullet owners - accountant/mechanic/lawyer>



Wear out - don't crash out, or rust out.

Learn to recognise the inconsequential, then ignore it - unless it's a speed limit in a speed camera area.

Lie on your back and look up at the stars - unless you are riding your motorcycle at the time.

Measure people by the size of their hearts, not the size of their motorcycle.

Know when to speak up - which is not at 150km/h into a headwind.

Evaulate yourself by your own standards, not by someone else's - they may be riding on borrowed time.

Be a self-starter - better still, be an electric starter.

Smile a lot - but only if you have a visor on your helmet.

Re-ride your favourite road.

Never under-estimate your ability to change yourself - after a close call it will come naturally.

Never over-estimate your power to change others - pillion riding is not always an aphrodisiac.

Never acquire just one riding buddy.

Focus on making things better, not bigger - especially if it's your motorcycle.

Once in your life own and ride a motorcycle.

Keep your boots clean - that way the oil runs off them better.
<will need to clean jeans AND boots for the free flow of Oil from Iron engine Bullet>



Never encourage anyone to become a politician - unless they ride a motorcycle.

Learn to do something beautiful with your hands - and you'll never be lonely.

Show respect for everyone who works for a living, even streetsweepers - a happy streetsweeper keeps the road surface clean.

Wave to people for the fun of it - it keeps people happy, makes you feel good, and keeps the clutch arm supple.

Every day look for some small way to improve the way you do things - especially the way you ride.

No matter how well off you are, have your children earn and pay for all of their motor vehicle insurance premiums.

Never use the last ten tenths.

The quality of a neighbourhood is determined by the manners of the dogs living there.

Even if you cannot give the very best, give your very best.

The tightest nut is the worst nut - especially when riding a motorcycle.

When you are hot under the collar, keep your head cool.

The leader faces the unknown and has an exposed back - but if you're middle of the pack, you're sweet.

Never under-estimate the power of forgiveness - your bike will forgive all sorts of poor riding actions if they are isolated incidents.
<Ah! My poor Yamaha - don't know how we will part ways!>



Don't carry a grudge - a motorcycle has no room for excess baggage.

Never tell anyone they look tired or depressed - even if you're lifting their bike off them at the time.
<lifted a friend's Kawasaki Pulsar from under a trailer truck - he was fine - he let go of the bike as it slid under the stupid braking of the trailer in the middle of the highway>



Be enthusiastic about the success of others - even if you're insanely jealous at the time.

Don't procrastinate. Do what needs doing when it needs to be done - even if those new tyres will cost an arm and leg.

Improve your performance by improving your attitude.

Go the distance - and on your own bike.

Every once in a while take the scenic route.

Move up when you feel you are ready - not when others think you are ready.

When playing games with children, let them win - when riding with a boy racer, let him win.

Don't learn the tricks of the trade, learn the trade.

Keep on using your head - wear a crash helmet.

Teach, Learn, Ask "why" and "what if" a lot?

Look as if you are in control of your motorcycle - it will probably fool the motorcycle into believing it too.

Don't lend precious things to friends - you might lose both.

Don't give advice. Just say what you do or would do in a similar situation - you're not there to teach. You're there to help them learn.

Leave whining to CX500 drive shafts.

Your epitaph should read "No regrets and lots of fun".

Invest in skill and knowledge. The returns are fantastic.

If friends ask you to be honest with them, don't.

Don't smoke - and the same goes for your motorcycle.
<need to drop this 1 1/2 year-old habit- STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!>



Rekindle old friendships - ride an older model once in a while.
<Yup 1950s engine with an electric start - Bullet - it should be Headline news>



Never ask a policeman or mechanic for riding advice - they're trained to find problems, not solutions.

Don't spread yourself too thinly - learn how to ride within your abilities.

Give thanks before every ride - and greater thanks at the end of every enjoyable ride.

Compliment even small improvements - especially when made by a learner or a mechanic.

Don't expect life to be fair - that way you're more likely to see hidden speed cameras.

Try never to set yourself a strict timetable - otherwise you'll never have time to explore unexpectedly delightful highways and bi-ways.

Never give a motorcyclist prunes on a wet day.

Feed a stranger's expired marking meter - especially if you're sharing the space.

Happiness is not dependant on possessions, power, or prestige but on relationships with people you love and respect - and your motorcycle.

Clothes maketh the man - and protective clothing holds him together.

'Tis not victory nor speed that defines a man, but wisdom and courage.

Listen to your children - if they say "Daddy, who taught you to drive before you married Mummy?", buy a motorcycle.

If you miss the magic of the moment by focusing on what's to come, you need to slow down.

Wave traffic on the sideroad ahead into your lane.

Donate two pints of blood every year - someday the gift may be repaid.
<I have been wanting to do this long time - shit scared of non-medical-knowledge hospital staff using syringes on me>



Love your fellow human being but install an anti-theft alarm on your motorcycle.

Teach your children the value of money and importance of saving - take them for a ride on your bike often.

Leave everything a little better than you found it - especially if the bike was loaned by a friend.

May your pillion hug you, not hold on tight.

Write a "thank you" note to the policeman who gave you the speeding ticket - a little confusion goes a long way.

Don't expect money to bring you happiness - unless it's spent on a good bike.

Avoid making sarcastic remarks - actions speak louder than words.

Never take action when you're angry - cool down before you kick that car door in.

Learn CPR - you'll need it for CPR (Charlies Practicing Racing) victims.

Take time to smell the roses - and the cow poo and diesel on the road surface too.

Occasionally stop and read historical roadside markers - it will give you a future excuse to stop when things get too hot on a Sunday ride.

Get your priorities right. No dying motorcyclist ever said; "Gee, I've spent too much time riding motorcycles. "



-----------------------

Hope you guys got some great quotes from this to put on yer T-Shirts

[obinella]

this one is outstanding!

Never give a motorcyclist prunes on a wet day.